I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
