Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
