alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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