If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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