12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
