have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
