Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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