I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
