Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
