i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
