If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
