I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
