Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
