Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
