You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
