can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
