I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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