Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
