My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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