He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
