New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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