So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
