why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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