Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
