pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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