and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
