I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
