Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
