There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
