I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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