So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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