I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
