3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
