White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
