I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
