I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
