I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
