On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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