margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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