Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
