the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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