I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
