Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I CAN MOONWALK!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
