mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
