Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
