The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
