i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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