I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
