My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
