I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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