i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
