just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
