so that wasnt chicken after all
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
