Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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