dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
