New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
