I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
