Me too!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
