Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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