watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
