Only a mothe r could love this liver
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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