why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
