any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
