my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
