I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
